I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
