i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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