You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
