I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
