I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize