Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
