Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
