i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
