last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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