Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
