dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
