I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
