he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
