i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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