He uses pillows to masturbate.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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