She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize