i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize