I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize