Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
