dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
