happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
