omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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