That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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