i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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