If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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