my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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