her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize