Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
