Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
