i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize