and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
