Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
