I'm pants shitting drunk right now
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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