That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
