If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
