new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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