MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
