Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I am spending my child support on dildos
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
