Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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