Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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