I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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