I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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