I just gift wrapped bread.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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