im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
