She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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