He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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