Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
