I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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