My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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