I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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