Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
