I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
