He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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