Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Someone signed my nipple.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
