I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
