Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
