I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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