I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
