Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
