I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
