peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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