I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Come see our sink grown plant.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
