apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
