remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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