...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
