I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
