Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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