He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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