Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
