I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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