He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he was CRYING into my vagina
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
