we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
