Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
where are you?
Hypothermia
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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