Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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