i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
