i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
