Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
