nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
