Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize