i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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