It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
