Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
