Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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