The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
