Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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