As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
