Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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