Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
