I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
