$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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